I do find myself getting down a lot more than I'd expected. I don't think it's the "I'm gonna die stuff" that freaked me out initially. I think I've shelved most of those thoughts pretty successfully. I think a lot of it might be the subconcious effects of what I see in the waiting room. And here is a little list about the other things that just put me in a funk.
1. My weekday schedule is not my own. I have very little control over when I am scheduled, and no idea how long I will wait when I do know my schedule.
2. It's kinda tough to get my job done in the time I am in the office these days.
3. Even if I'm doing the best I can at the office, we're under-resourced generally and when clients complain I can't muster any empathy. Clients are generally driving me crazy and I have no patience for them right now. So I'm faking patience as best I can.
4. Some people have disappointed me. I think maybe my expectations were set too high. And it's weird when people want you to let them know what they can do, but when you do that later, they've forgotten and/or don't recognize it for what it is.
5. I've basically been doing treatment on an extended lunch hour, which sucks.
6. Lately I've avoided telling a couple of new acquaintances in an effort to spare them the awkwardness and baggage but sometimes I think that I come across as being aloof and as though I have such a busy, important schedule (since I'm a slave to my treatment schedule).
Anyway, there is more, but I will whine more later. I also have the requisite guilt about being a complainer, so add that to the list. But I'm trying to be honest on this blog. The completely honest blogs I follow are undoubtedly the best.
Been thinking about this for a couple of hours, and don't really know blog etiquette, but here goes nothing. First, we who work with you know when you're down, mostly, and we think it's OK for you to be down, mostly. But maybe we react by trying to cheer you up. And maybe that means that you have to entertain a steady stream of visitors when you don't really feel like it and would rather try to get something finished. You have always have so much time for everybody else, and one of the simple things we can do is give you time for yourself. So just say "not now" and we'll go away and sulk privately: I promise. If that's not what you meant at all, well, still seems true enough to say. Love ya.
ReplyDeleteWell, not quite. Actually, there are pros and cons to being at work and one of the pros is being cheered up by coworkers. I genuinely was cheered up today by a few different people. And, as much as I might not be on top of everything, I wouldn't trade those interactions for feeling more on top of things, at least not during this time. Part of the problem, I think, of the last few days has been being by myself. Traveling to and from and sitting around in waiting rooms.
ReplyDeleteLet's start the buckleup brigade! Which day next week could I drive you to-and-fro??? I'm ready, willing, and able. Where do I sign up?
ReplyDeleteSorry, didn't mean to start a brigade rally! Don't know what my schedule is next week, but will definitely let you know if I need companionship!
ReplyDelete