Wendy

I've been thinking about Wendy a lot lately. She was D's stepmother. She died in 2006 of pancreatic cancer at age 46.

She was not the type of person who walked into a room and commanded your attention. She was much more understated than that. And smarter. But, somehow, family gatherings with D's side were a lot of fun when she was around. Ever since she died, they are, frankly, not very fun. And it's not because we are sitting around moping that she's gone. It's just that there is a tangible void.

When she was dying she told a friend of ours, who is a minister, that she felt she'd been so lucky in her life. For someone who had had cancer in her 20s, lost both her parents at a young age, and was now dying at 46, that might sound like an odd statement. But I do think she sincerely felt that way. She had traveled extensively, had been extremely succesful in her career, had found the love of her life and had a new family to go along with that. How she was not bitter about leaving all that behind so early, I do not know.

I hadn't been thinking about her as much in the past couple of years. But lately, with everything that has been going on, she's been on my mind more. I've been wondering how she managed to cope with having cancer twice. And I've been regretting that I had so much trouble finding something to say to her towards the end.

After she died, D's dad gave me some of her jewelry. Nothing fancy, just everyday kinds of things. I was thinking that it would be nice to wear something of hers every day that I'm going through treatment. I don't know what it means, exactly. A show of solidarity for someone we cared about, who didn't live as long as she should have, I guess. And just a reminder that we are still thinking of you, Wendy.