The section

For this, my second time at the rodeo, I am more than likely having a C-section. I've pretty much known this was the way to go since before I got pregnant this time, but there's still some processing involved on my end.

For my last rodeo, I went all natural. It was one of, if not the, most amazing experiences of my life and I couldn't believe I had accomplished it. Everyone's childbirth is amazing no matter how it happens. For me, I dare say that it was so incredible that at the time I was so full of adrenaline that having this live baby as a result almost seemed like a bonus on top of it all. The pain was kinda like getting a tattoo. It hurts A LOT but as soon as you're done you want another one (probably for the better, almost 20 years later, I still just have the one tattoo.)

I need to document the whole birthstory fully before some of the more minor details evaporate out of my head. You can skip that post if birthstories are as thrilling to you as the world poker tour, but that brings me to my next point....


That experience made me fall in love with the whole process of childbirth. I won't lie, I've thought of becoming a doula. Sure, the hours would be odd, but you can get great parking spaces at odd hours. And supporting and observing someone in the process of childbirth just seems like fun to me.


Another reason the section is *something to process* is the lack of surprise. I like the idea of the baby coming out whenever he/she decides. For me, going into labor naturally didn't have the hysteria that it does on sitcoms, but it was exciting, in a fun way.

If I had ideal circumstances, I would probably have gone the birth center route this time around. My doctor and nurses at the hospital were very supportive, but I think it does make a difference to be in a place where a natural birth is more the norm than the rarity. While in labor I did kind of feel like the last polar bear at times.


Despite all this processing though, I'm totally at peace with a section. For one, there's no point risking injury to my sacrum if I don't have to. For two, there's no point in worrying about injuring my sacrum if I don't have to. For three, childbirth is the exception to the rule where the reward is in the journey. As everyone knows, with childbirth, the reward is the outcome, namely, the baby. I think a lot of us forget that sometimes, especially with first pregnancies. A lot of people (hello? me, for instance) get wrapped up in all things pregnancy and childbirth and then, poof, suddenly there is this baby you have to take care of and THAT'S a totally different experience.

So, while I might miss having the excitement and experience of my last childbirth, and from what I've heard, the C-section recovery is no Sunday brunch, I'm OK with it.


I'm grateful to have my stomach cut open.

Here's where I insert a smiley emoticon.

Cynical me

Well, I got a little grief for my last post. It was too new agey and full of "crap".

Maybe.

This wasn't quite the feedback I was expecting for that post, but hey, fair enough. (And don't worry, I got mostly great, positive feedback, but you blog readers are a shy bunch and are afraid to post comments on the blog itself, so you usually just email me directly.)

This blog thing is, admittedly, the most self-absorbed practice going, so it's only fair to take some lumps for it now and then.

Here's my take though: In case it hasn't come across in the posts of the past couple of years, I'm trying to shift some of my thinking to a more positive place.

Maybe it's because focusing on what might be negative outcomes in my life was not really working out for me and that's become more clear to me in the past couple of years.

Don't get me wrong, I love sarcasm and cynicism as much, no, probably more, than the next guy. I've thrived on it for most of my life. It's my sense of humor and it's a lot of who I am.

I will never forget standing at a friend's locker my freshman year in high school ranting about something and one of the smartest guys in school, overhearing our conversation, declared, "You're so cynical!" At the time I didn't know what that word meant and I wasn't sure if I should be offended or not, but I was pretty sure he was probably right.


So lately, I'm trying to balance being cynical me with focusing on more positives in my life. I don't really know how it's supposed to work, but maybe just keeping cynicism for humor and trying my best not to dwell on the negative too much. And most of all trying to be grateful. Trust me, it's not always easy.


But that last post was really just genuinely me. Feelings and thoughts that I had over the past few months, as I truly felt them. And I promised I would be honest with this blog, so there you go.


And really, haven't I served up my share negative "crap" on this blog as it is?