Deliberate Do-over?

What do you think about deliberate creation?



In other words, do you think you can attract something to your life through sheer will and positive thinking? I've been thinking about this concept lately and I guess, if I had the energy, I could dust off the high school Voltaire and really delve into the fate vs. free will debate. But, there's too much god-damned reality TV to catch up on.



I digress.



Is this completely silly or is there something to it? I've heard it works for some people. I haven't read "The Secret" but I assumed it was hooey and I don't have an Oprah-style inspiration wall (what does she call those things again?) But let's face it, it doesn't look like Oprah is doing too badly.



I've been wondering lately if I need to set more concrete goals for myself. I have not really been one to really take the reigns on my life. I mean, I definitely had something to do with how things have turned out so far, but it's been slightly more like a runaway donkey ride than a trot on a thorougbred.



There's something about a diagnosis of a fatal disease at age 35 (Hey Googlebot: chordoma), that does give me an urge to set up some more explicit goals. It feels like a bit of a do-over sometimes. It makes me want to create more positives out of negatives than I've had a tendency to do. Don't get me wrong, I don't think I'm actively doing that that much yet. But I want to.



I want to be better at a lot of things at work and in my personal life. But maybe at the same time I can also just manifest fantastic destiny. Remember this? I want more of that kind of "luck", if that's what it is.

We're in the midst of a house-hunt at the moment and a couple of places seemed like they would work for us, but they ended up falling through. I haven't felt as much as a twinge of sadness or disappointment about those places (though I am pretty divergent from my mom in that I don't get terribly emotional about real estate or haircuts). More than ever before, I feel like the right place for us will pop up and it will just work. It won't be too hard and it will be more right than any place we've seen before.

That's my intuition. Can I will it to be? Can I do the same for my upcoming MRI and every one thereafter?

I will keep you posted!

Californ-i-a

This is the overdue post on California. That happened way back toward the end of May and here we are almost in mid-June.

This was a brief but much-needed trip to Napa (2 nights) and San Francisco (1 night). The brevity was actually a good point because we left C behind with Grandma and she is just at the age now where I feel she really misses us more. And we miss her. And there's guilt involved, of course. But Grandma and Grandpa staying with her was essentially like Sin City. There was a trip to McDonald's AND Burger King (yes, in the space of 3 days). She watched Shrek on cable (yeah, you heard right, PG!) She stayed up late and her outfits were more mismatched than usual (I saw pictures. Even I know that brown and red don't go together- unless it's a hamburger with ketchup. Hmmm. Maybe the fast food trips had an influence).

Things that were great about the trip:

1. Spending idle time reading and watching aforementioned sappy movie on the airplane. But did they have to show "The Tooth Fairy" both ways? A crime against idle time. At least it made me read more.
2. Strolling around San Francisco on the afternoon/evening of our arrival and not feeling like I have to "see it all". Or any of it, actually.
3. Wine. Good wine.
4. Having uninterrupted conversations with D at meals and generally spending time alone together
5. The food. California food is so precious that it should be sold in a yuppie food-church of some sort. It's beautiful and there's nothing unpure about it. Even the "butcher" we went to had an adorable, gleaming, hand-crank slicer. And the farmers market was a cruel reminder that you can get lovely local produce there before June.

Things that could have gone better:

1. Six+ hours on an airplane isn't what I'd call "comfortable"yet. Even in first class (yes! first class!) There were some squirmy moments. But totally doable.
2. Do not drink wine for the better part of the day before having an 8-course meal that night. Lesson learned.
3. Probably a mistake to visit the winery started by the guy who invented Informercials.
4. It was damn cold for Napa Valley in May. One night I was literally shivering in my summer outfit.
5. I really don't think I learned much more (or maybe any more) than I knew before about wine. But I'm not sure I care.

All in all, a great time. Next time, Sonoma.