The Torture Tube

Update: The coldsore is subsiding. I did switch up my skin care regimen though (OK, the word "regimen" cannot be taken too seriously here) and my face kinda freaked out on me. I caught myself in the mirror at Old Navy today and it looked like someone had splashed acid on my face. I think I'll return to the old "regimen".

My burn is almost fully recovered. Last Friday at work, I realized at some point that I hadn't been uncomfortable all day. Rolaids doesn't spell relief, but my butt does. It is weird when relief comes gradually and you have to think about it to notice it. Relief is usually more of a sudden feeling, like when you've really had to pee and you make it to the bathroom in time, Realizing that you've gradually reached a state of "relief" is something else entirely. Let me tell you though, I've enjoyed it. It's great to have an almost-normal butt back. The bitter irony here is that it will probably be in perfect shape as they sharpen their knives to slice and dice it on Wednesday.

Yes, this coming Wednesday is my surgery. I can't quite believe it. But the preparations are underway. Yesterday was my last day of work and I went for a CT scan and an MRI in the afternoon. I was actually supposed to have two MRIs yesterday. For good reason, that did not happen.

I had my CT scan first. Not a problem. I had to down a keg cup of Barium (I'm getting good at it-only gagged once). They put in the IV, the scan was quick, whatever.

Then while I was waiting for the MRIs, the tech came out and sat down next to me and essentially said, "This is crazy." She said they shouldn't have scheduled two MRIs in one day, it's too much for anyone. It's too long a period of of time to lie still and with the patients she's seen do it, they've gotten bad images on the second scan b/c the patients have moved. Of course I realize she's right. I hate MRIs to begin with, so I know that if I had two back to back, I'd be squeezing the emergency alarm and screaming for my mommy.

Yesterday's first MRI only confirmed this. Five minutes into it, I was smugly thinking, "Oh I am such a pro at this, I've gotten so zen." 25 minutes in I was thinking "F-ck, F-ck, f-ckety, f-ck!!!!" I managed to focus and get through it, but it was loooooong and while I think I've overcome most of the claustrophobia by closing my eyes, it generally makes me feel trapped and tortured.

She scheduled the second one for today. They were running a hour behind and I had to miss a party to go. Luckily though, today went better for some reason. I did wonder while I was in the tube if it could be a very expensive form of torture. If they did this for 8 hours a day to a terrorist at GITMO, terrorism might become passe.

So, yes, medical community, don't schedule two of these in one day for anybody. And don't throw a CT scan on top of it like a cherry.