Go away Cupid

Well, the molting process continues and I'm slooooooowly getting more comfortable. I would say that I'm improving each day at a glacial pace, but glaciers are moving pretty fast these days what with global warming. Maybe I'm improving at the pace of a RMV line?

Last week, I saw the Valentine's stuff in the stores and it freaked me out a little. It's not because I don't have a dinner reservation (we never eat out on V-day anyway and we've had some great meals at home over the years-some of which I've even cooked!) No, I was freaked because V-day will be a week and a half after my surgery (on February 3rd) which means my surgery is coming up! Soon!

I am a little bit nervous about this. As I said before, I've never had major surgery. We met with the nurse at MGH last week to go over what to expect. D is more nervous about this stuff than I am and wants to have a handle on everything going into it. Here are some things that I am a tad nervous about:

Pain Management: Will I wake up after surgery in a fog of intense pain? Also, I am not sure how good I'll be at administering my own pain meds. He told us the best policy is to "stay ahead of the pain" before it gets out of hand, but in my everyday life, I am typically WAY behind the pain and by the time it's wrapping up I sometimes think "I guess I could have taken a Tylenol for that." I am getting on board with the drugs though. They made the biopsy so easy. I wasn't knocked out, but I was on some cocktail of pain meds and anti-anxiety drugs that made me pleased as punch to have a large needle inserted into my butt and beyond while people milled around in Star Trek-like getups of different colors (no, I wasn't hallucinating that) In any event, I have to be on top of this pain management stuff while somehow not getting addicted to pain meds. I hope that is not as tricky as it sounds.

IVs=hate them: Don't get me wrong, I am getting plenty used to them since I've had them a lot for the CT scans and MRIs but they still make me squirm. I had an overnight stay in the hospital a couple of weeks before I had C and they made me wear one which made me even more determined not to have one when I gave birth. Yes, I'd rather have natural childbirth than an IV. Which brings me to another thing he told us about....

Arterial Line: Sounds worse than an IV. He didn't try to sugar-coat it too much either, he just said they'd give me drugs before they put it in.

My Butt and What Will Be Left of It: I think this molting process is just a warmup for what I'll have behind me post-surgery.

I also wonder if I'll have a roommate. They also said I will get up and about soon. I hope that goes OK.

I am worried about being away from C and also her being a little freaked by seeing me at the hospital. I have started preparing her for what is up and last week she announced loudly in a restaurant, "Mommy has a boo-boo on her bum-bum!" Well-executed plan.

So, that is a roll-up of most of my trepidations. I do have a lot of faith in MGH and I'm not really worried about the more dire possibilities. At least not yet.