Despite the fact that, luckily, I haven't given much thought to the topic I'm about to describe, this post has been ruminating with me for a couple of days now and I feel compelled to write about it and I'm sorry for what I need to omit because, frankly, I probably shouldn't be writing about it on the internet in the first place!
And some of you do know what this situation is all about so you'll get more out of this post.
The other day I met a neighbor whom I never met before. She has three kids and when one of them ran under our tree to see the gnome I bought for C, we introduced ourselves. Her kids had already made the gnome's acquaintance on prior walks. It's funny how kids force you to meet your neighbors. I don't consider myself unfriendly, but I am SO Bostonian in that I generally don't speak to strangers unless spoken to, at least beyond a quick "hi".
So we got to talking and she lives on the next street over. She was talking about who she knew in the neighborhood and I blurted out, against my better judgement, that the only people on her street I knew of were her neighbors directly across the street, who had done a pretty bad thing to us (and to our upstairs neighbor). I shouldn't have told her, but by that point it was too late. She was surprised. She kept saying what "nice people" they were and how she was surprised. Then C and I went back home.
Well, I ran into this neighbor again yesterday and after a couple of pleasantries, I was on my way and then she came running after me. She came to tell me some reasons why the neighbors may have done what they did. And she said "You or I would never have done that, but they may have done it b/c of x, y or z." But here's the thing: even if their reasoning was due to x, y, or z, it just doesn't make what they did NOT wrong. Just because you've had a misfortune in your life, doesn't mean it's OK to spread around that misfortune to some neighbors you've never met before. Does it?
Then I also told this neighbor that I had cancer and what unfortunate timing this had all been because they did this deed to us on the day I came home from the hospital after surgery and I wish they knew that. Again, she was shocked, but we left the conversation with her still telling me they were "good people". Mind you, I never said that they were good or bad people. I merely stated what happened. (OK, I may have said that what they did was ridiculous, but that's all. I swear.)
I guess what irked me about the whole thing is that I don't care if they're good or bad people and if they do have some unfortunate circumstances (which I don't know that they do), I'm sorry for them, but what's irrefutable is that they did the wrong thing and there's really no justification for that, no matter how friendly they might act around the neighborhood nor how many easter bunnies they put out in their yard. I am all for giving people the benefit of the doubt and I'm all for understanding when people have bad days, but do you ever hear "they were having a bad day" as an excuse for a behavior and think, "so am I, but I am an adult and I do have a little self-control?"
One night, many years ago, I was driving home from my parents house and it was a really foggy night and I couldn't see very well and I clipped a car that was parked on the street. For a split second I thought of driving on, but instead I pulled over, walked to the door of the house, rang the doorbell and told the owner of the car what I'd done. Does that make me a good person? No. Was it the right thing to do? Yes. I was just owning up to my responsibility. These neighbors are not being responsible for themselves and that's just annoying.
I shouldn't have pulled out the cancer card. The fact that I had (have?) cancer is irrelevant and our upstairs neighbor (who had a nightmare about this whole situation) didn't deserve this as much as we didn't deserve it. But I do wish these neighbors had given some thought to what they were doing and it made me think about the fact that the people next door might not have it as great as you'd think, so can't we just live and let live for Pete's sake?
And I do take solace in the fact that karma's a bitch. Thanks for listening.
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