Maybe writing this down will keep me honest?

OK, admittedly, I've been in a bit of a blogging slump. It seems to be a recent trend among the blogs I read though, so I don't feel too guilty. I guess when you're in this March/April pre real-spring limbo, maybe there's not a whole lot to report?

I've been thinking more lately about what I am eating and my health and how I can improve that. I've mostly gotten over the chocolate fixation of the early post-op days primarily by running out of chocolate and not replenishing it. It's working for me. I had a run in with Starburst jellybeans last week, but that, too, has passed. It was a seasonal dalliance, really.

I'm thinking about my weight, cancer, and the effects of radiation and I want to take more control over my eating habits. I've decided I want to eat less meat and more whole grains and vegetables. I want to eat more natural and organic food and fewer processed foods. And I want to eat less fattening foods. Tyah. I know. It's ambitious.

There was a time when I was younger and was much more vigilant about my diet as regards to trying to control my weight. It was a bit tiring and I'm not sure I want to be 100% back there. The mindset was sort of, "I'll have a dessert wine instead of dessert." Not a bad credo mind you, but it wasn't necessarilly health-driven, if you see what I mean.

So, I'm taking a few steps. I'm selecting a farm share right now. I'm going to try to go to the farmer's market more this summer/fall. I had just half a hamburger the other night. I'm starting out small.

I'd love to get in a good rhythm and lose 10-15 lbs, but I'm also not in a place anymore to hate my body as it is now. It's just not worth it. Cancer does put some of that stuff in perspective. I'm grateful to have a functioning body, even if I don't look good in a bathing suit and even if my naked butt still kinda looks like Frankenstein (I've nicknamed it "Franken-butt"). I think cancer can transform past disatisfaction with your body into a reverence and a respect. When your body is working properly, it's a beautiful thing, and this has reminded me of that. So maybe that will help me get onto the right path.

Still, I'm going to have to go back to my primary care physician this summer and I don't think my "baby weight" excuse is going to hold up anymore. Especially since the "baby" will be 2.5 by then.

On the upside though, I realized the other day that I haven't had a diet soda since this all started back in October. Some things are really easy to eliminate. If only it was all that easy.