Some people have told me that having cancer will make me a better person. Lance Armstrong said so too (though, to be fair, not about me). I'm not quite convinced yet. I haven't seen the signs of my betterment, but I am looking out for the signs and I'll let you know when it's time to congratulate me.
Since I've promised to be honest however, I do have to expose one of my poorer qualities which has reared its ugly head lately. I am really bad at receiving gifts from people I do not know. In fact, I often resent it. And in some ways there have been a couple of strange gifting moments through this cancer thing and I am not always terribly graceful about it.
You're thinking, "you ungrateful b*tch". I know! I couldn't agree more. It's just a feeling that takes over.
You may also ask, "Why are you receiving gifts from people you don't know?" I don't know! But I'll attempt to explain.
Some former coworkers of my mom's sent me a fancy Edible Arrangement. Yesterday my father brought me a gift from someone he chats with at Dunkin Donuts. It was a music box with stationary inside. My father doesn't know the name of the gifter. I immediately thought, "Yard sale pile." when I should have been thinking "what a sweet gesture!". Don't get me wrong, I get it. People who are friendly with my parents want to honor them by doing something nice for me. I just feel like it's a bit of misdirected altruism. Why not send the money used to purchase the music box to Haiti? Maybe she's already made her donation to Haiti and she just wants to brighten the day of the cancer patient. I dunno, but I just end up feeling a little weird and obliged.
As if I'm the good deed fairy who should dictate what kinds of good deeds others should do based on all of the ones I'm running around doing. To the contrary. I haven't changed a stranger's tire or made my neighbors brownies in....oh.... I dunno...ever.
I've gotten some really thoughtful gifts and food and visits and other gestures from friends and family and that outpouring has been overwhelming and sooo appreciated by me. From more distant friends and acquaintances, I've gotten cards and emails and that has been really touching and, I think, the most appropriate gesture from them. Just the fact that these people have taken the time out to come up with something to say, write a note, track down my address and send it in the mail means a LOT.
My aunt from Europe sent a card and $100. That too seemed a little weird. Again, very thoughtful and maybe she feels a little powerless about how she can help from 6000 miles away. but the evil part of me just thought, "Happy Cancer, here's $100 to help you celebrate!" But, let's face it, while I'm 36 and in no way destitute, who can't use $100?
So we've already been over the fact that I'm crap with thank you notes. Let's just handshake on it: if you don't know me, don't gift me. Send some cash to Haiti or yield in a rotary and we'll call it good.
I love it when you get all grinchy!
ReplyDeleteI totally totally get it. You are a nice person, and not wanting to make up some insincere thank you to a stranger does not make you not-nice. In fact it makes you genuine. I think you're justified in feeling uncomfortable when stuff like this shows up. First, there's the notion that people you don't even know somehow know that about your ordeal. And who knows exactly what they've been told about you, right? And then, there are the levels of thoughtfulness and generosity in the gift - are they equal, and are they too little or too much? Is it clearly something that was just grabbed the back of a dusty closet, or is it just too much money - too much money that you would feel comfortable accepting from a stranger, if it were straight up cash. How are you to offer a genuine, nice response when you really want to say is "no really, you shouldn't have"? I get that way too - sometimes I just want to say "Seriously? Did you just bring me another THING that I have to find a place to put in my house?" You don't have to send them anything - they're not expecting it. Your dad's dunkin' friend is not waiting for your dad to come back with a little card for him (although he did give you stationery!) Do not worry. You can pay it forward by putting it in the goodwill box. That counts.
ReplyDeleteDid you say music box with stationary in it - oh boy if Clara has not flipped for that yet I know someone who will buy that in your yardsale!
ReplyDeleteI had issues with the edible arrangement, which I can't imagine spending money on myself, but then I saw one at a kid party and it seemed good for that.
I like edible arrangements, but the chooolate dipped ones are the best. I'm saving the music box for Amelia!
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