A tad envious

I've heard from some people on the Chordoma listserv, which has been great. It definitely feels really useful to hear from people in a similar position.

Since there are only two places in North America that offer the proton beam radiation treatment (Boston and Loma Linda, California), it seems like a lot of people come to Boston and it's an opportunity for some of them to sightsee and enjoy the city. I have to admit, I'm a tad envious that I'm not in that position. I'm going to be working during my first course of radiation.

Please don't get me wrong, I'm soooooo grateful that I live so near some of the best treatment facilities for this in the world. And the proximity means that I won't have to disrupt my family life too much and/or have to travel far, potentially by myself, for treatment. That's huge.

I guess it's the work thing that's tough. I've had a hard time focusing since my diagnosis. That's to be expected, right? But I worry about getting my focus back. It's been tough for me to feel like work is important this past month. And some work folks have told me that I should focus on my treatment and recovery. But at the same time, the work needs to get done. It doesn't go anywhere. The world can't stop moving b/c I have chordoma.

I also feel like maybe I am at a crossroads in my life. Maybe I need to make a major change and I needed this extra push to do that. I just haven't figured out what that major change is!

The climate at work has been a little bit difficult too. There have been cutbacks, which makes it hard to do the job, which leads to frustration and stress. So, logically, I think I'd rather be out exploring a new city and going to museums while I'm having my treatment than going to work. But I don't think that's gonna happen. I don't think I'll have time to experience many of the "perks" of this disease.

But that's OK. My daughter's routine won't change very much, hopefully. So that's what's most important. And maybe the major change will come to me.