Merry Liver Failure To You?

I was thinking a while back that my next blog post should be something light and fun. But heck, why should I break with tradition?!

I had a bad fever yesterday. I didn't really have any other symptoms with the fever, so I went to the doctor to be on the safe side. So I give her a urine sample and she says that I have some blood in my urine and, oh yeah, the whites of my eyes look yellow. So, my doctor orders an ultrasound to check out my liver tomorrow.

I'm sort of at a loss as to what to do now. Assuming it's nothing hasn't really been working out for me lately in the mental preparedness department. But, then again, is freaking out and expecting the worst productive at all? Not really. Neither reaction is going to alter the outcome.

Sometimes I just think, "Isn't enough, enough?" But I was thinking about that in the context of Elizabeth Edwards' death. I mean, first she loses a child. Nothing is worse. Then she gets betrayed by her husband. In public. Pretty damn bad. Then she knows she is going to die, and that is something I think one can come to grips with, but how do you do that when you still have school-aged children you're leaving behind? So my chipper take away lesson from her life was "Things can always get worse. Bad stuff can keep darkening your doorstep."

Here's the thing: I don't want to think that way. I want to think positively and try to attract positive energy. I'm not always very good at that, but I guess I just need to keep trying.

So, yeah. I guess this is what a lot of people face in cancer struggles. Waiting for news. Receiving bad news sometimes. Rebounding from that and moving forward. That's all you can do I suppose.