Valentine's reality

Valentine's Day. I know it pisses a lot of people off. I've never been particularly offended by it though. even when I was single (which I was for the majority of my life). There were certainly days I lamented being single, but I don't think Valentine's day was one that particularly bugged me. It just seemed silly to get hot and bothered about it since it's such an obviously made-up holiday. And I love hearts and chocolate, so I could never muster much resentment towards them.



I think I've been worse about Valentine's Day since I've been in a relationship. I try not to put too many expectations on it, but I admit that I get caught up in the silliness sometimes. At least D and I are committed to not going out to dinner on V-day and as much as I love flowers, I've never been into the long-stemmed red roses thing. Still, I've had expectations.



This year, Valentine's Day feels totally different to me. It's not about expectations of romance for me this year. It's about what D has gone through and has to go through during and after my surgery and how much that means to me. Caretaking is not easy. He claims that he doesn't mind, but there are uncomfortable moments and overly frank conversations every day. There is not much romantic mystery and allure to caretaking for someone who's had surgery. Caretaking is love in its most real, stripped down form.

For some reason, it makes me think of reality TV. You'll never see this kind of stuff on The Bachelor. And, granted, I recognize that that show is supposedly more about courtship than relationship and everyone knows that it's full of hooey. Still, just once I'd like to see The Bachelor change one date's wound dressing and accompany another date to chemo. Romance isn't all that a lasting relationship is built on, but if you were visiting from Mars and learning about humanity from reality TV, that's what you'd think,

This year, Valentine's day is about bringing me meals and laxatives, checking my wound, giving me shots in the stomach (yep, they're baaaaaack), making sure I'm hydrated and that I'm not overdoing it or underdoing it. It's about sleeping in separate beds, but staying together. It's about love, not in a wine and roses kind of a way, but in a hard work kind of way. And I don't need anything else.