On my way

This will hopefully be my sixth and last night at the hospital. I've come a loooong way even just today. I was just told this morning that I could potentially leave to go home today, but I didn't feel physically ready for that at the time and my session with the physical therapist this morning bore out those instincts. My blood pressure plunged and I was on the precipice of passing out again. (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I passed out on my first attempt to get out of bed on Saturday. After being horizontal for three days and not being able to even sit up, standing can obviously be a challenge.) I kept working on getting up and about this afternoon though, and I am starting to feel a little less like I'm in my nineties. I feel ready. I was told today that there are only two types of patients: those that want to leave early and those that want to stay forever. I have to respectfully disagree and maintain that there IS an in-between. I don't want to overstay my welcome. I have a two year old at home, whom I miss A LOT. I just don't want to feel physically shaky as I walk out the door.

There has certainly been some unpleasantness about recuperating. Needles and tubes coming in and out of me is not my fave. I won't go into all the deets. I don't think I was quite prepared for the worst, but that is probably for the best. And there are some things that went better than expected. The pain, for instance, is much more manageable than I'd anticipated.

I did have a self-pity moment today though when I was trying to clean myself up in bed and D was trying to help me and I just felt so gray and unattractive and I felt bad that he's been present for so many "look-away" moments over the past few days. I know that this is what a marriage is truly about. I know that me feeling this way is kinda superficial. He thought I was being crazy. I just felt bad that he was seeing me like this while we are in our 30s, when we are supposed to be young, vibrant and attractive people. I know I'll get back there, I just had a moment.

There have been many amazing things this week though, no doubt. I probably don't have to tell you that the nurses on the ground are incredible. I had favorites of course. They brought different things to the table. One totally coddled me the day after my surgery. She felt like a mom except that half the time I couldn't understand her Ethiopian accent. Nevertheless, we would compare stories about our daughters. She was always smiling and I felt adequately spoiled when I needed it most. Another fave was young and compassionate and knowledgeable while also just being fun to gossip with. She washed my hair with something called a porkchop. Yet another was a fave because she was completely ambitious, trying to do as much for me as she possibly could in the time she had. And she did it efficiently and sympathetically. Needless to say, I am in awe.

So, in some ways I'll look back fondly on this week as a time when I was lucky enough to have the best surgeons in the world perform surgery to save my life, doctors who put in long hours to attend to me, awe-inspiring nurses and ,of course, the outreach of support, prayers, and good wishes of so many people I know and love. It really made me feel loved. Oh, and also, the crazy inflatable bed with sand in it. I expect in my memories some of the tougher stuff will fade away.

Oh, one last thing I liked was the hospital menu. Not the food itself mind you. I just liked how most things were listed as they were: "Stuffed Peppers", "Hamburger with Cheese", while other things were really exuberantly pitched: "Turkey Gravy-The Best!" (the Beef Gravy did not get this billing) "Don't Forget the Parmesan if your Diet Allows!" Some condiments and things were in a category called "And, Etc." The redundancy of that category heading really kinda bothered me.

Next post will be from HOME.